December is supposed to be the easy part of the year. For separated parents it’s often the hardest. Who gets Christmas morning, who does the drive to the in-laws, whose turn was it last year. Those questions turn into a fight faster than almost anything else in family law. Our award-winning family law team in Toronto handles this every autumn, and we handle it plainly and without drama.
Maybe your agreement no longer fits the family you actually have. Maybe a flight got booked and your co-parent said no. Either way you have options in Ontario, and knowing which one fits your situation can save you weeks. Here is how each of them works.
How holiday parenting time works in Ontario
In Ontario, parenting time (what people used to call access or visitation) is set out in a parenting plan or custody agreement. Some of those are court-ordered. Others get worked out between the parents through counsel or family mediation. Typically the document covers the regular schedule for the year, then lists the exceptions for holidays, birthdays, or school breaks.
If yours has no holiday schedule, or the one it has stopped working two years ago, you may need a temporary or permanent modification.
Why parents ask to change the holiday schedule
The reasons are usually straightforward, and courts see them all the time:
- Travel plans that fall outside the original agreement
- Religious holidays that were not previously considered
- Special family events or reunions
- Work schedule changes that affect availability
- Disputes arising from unclear or outdated language in the agreement
Deal with this early. Courts in Ontario typically don’t respond well to last-minute requests unless there is an emergency, and December is the worst possible month to be finding that out.
Your three options for changing an agreement
1. You both agree
Cheapest and simplest by a mile. If you both agree to a temporary change for the holidays, you can put together a written amendment to your parenting plan. That amendment isn’t always legally binding on its own. But documenting it and having a family lawyer review it gives you something to point at if the other parent’s memory changes in January.
2. Mediation
When the two of you can’t get through a civil conversation, family mediation may help. A neutral third-party mediator works toward a balanced solution that reflects what both parents need, while keeping the child’s best interests at the centre. It also tends to leave the relationship intact, which matters when you have another decade of school concerts ahead of you.
3. A court application
If you can’t agree and mediation fails, you may need a formal modification through the Ontario courts. That means filing a motion to change with the court that originally issued the parenting order. You must demonstrate a material change in circumstances, and you must explain why the adjustment you want is in the child’s best interest.
Don’t take this one on alone. Experienced child custody lawyers know how Ontario’s system runs and can put your position properly.
What a judge is actually looking at
In Ontario, courts focus primarily on the best interests of the child. That is the legal standard under the Children’s Law Reform Act and the Divorce Act. Factors include:
- The child’s age and preferences (if appropriate)
- Emotional ties between the child and each parent
- Stability and consistency of the current arrangement
- Each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent
- History of compliance or non-compliance with the existing agreement
Courts generally favour cooperative parenting. A request that looks retaliatory or unreasonable will rarely be granted.
How to keep this from turning into a fight
We tell parents the same thing every year. Plan early, and keep talking. These habits cut down on disputes:
- Start the holiday conversation months ahead
- Put everything you agree in writing, by email
- Give some ground on your co-parent’s family traditions
- Consider rotating major holidays each year (e.g., Christmas with one parent this year, with the other the next)
- Use family mediation if you foresee difficulties coming to a mutual agreement
Even a carefully drafted parenting plan goes stale. Children grow, families change, and the schedule that suited a six-year-old is wrong for a fourteen-year-old. Look at your agreement once a year and you will catch most of the problems before they start.
Getting the holiday terms into the agreement
If you’re separating right now, get a detailed holiday schedule into the agreement while everything else is still being negotiated. An experienced divorce lawyer can draft clear, enforceable terms covering:
- Which holidays are included (e.g., Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, Family Day, etc.)
- How time will be split (alternate years, split days, or week-on/week-off)
- Pickup and drop-off logistics
- Travel permissions, including out-of-province or international travel
Good drafting heads off arguments. It also gives your children something they badly need, which is knowing where they will be.
When the trip is already booked
Plans change. If you need a last-minute modification to take your child away over the holidays, move fast and stay civil. Call your co-parent, put the proposal in writing, and be specific about dates and return times. If they refuse, legal action may be necessary, though outcomes can be less predictable under time pressure.
Crossing a border? Get a notarized consent letter from the other parent, particularly for international trips. Without that documentation you can run into problems at the border, up to and including being denied travel.
What we do for parents in this spot
We have spent years on holiday custody work for families across Toronto and the GTA. Travel plans, religious observances, a family that simply looks different than it did five years ago. The reason doesn’t change the job, which is to advocate for your rights while keeping your children’s best interests first. Every case gets its own approach, and that includes:
- A strategy built around your family, not a template
- Clear communication and regular updates
- Courtroom representation if mediation fails
- Support in negotiating temporary or long-term modifications
Our reputation as Markham’s trusted family lawyers was built on doing the work properly and telling clients the truth. Let us take some weight off this season.
Other things that surface at Christmas
Parenting time isn’t the only thing that flares up in December. We also see:
- Spousal support modifications if one parent is taking unpaid leave
- Property division complications if holiday gifts are expensive or financial disclosures become contested
- Child support questions related to seasonal expenses like gifts, travel, and childcare
None of it gets easier on your own.
When should you call?
Call early. Courts are especially busy around the holidays, and waiting too long may leave you with limited legal options. Even if you fully expect to settle things amicably, one conversation with a lawyer tells you where you actually stand.
To speak with a family lawyer today, contact Kazandji Law. We’ll walk you through the options and protect your position.